it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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