# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I cockslap morals
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
