He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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