thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
