So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
