Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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