i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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