whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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