Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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