i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
