Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
