i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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