sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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