It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
