i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
