i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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