i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
