I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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