I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
