i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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