theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
