If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
