I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
