I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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