it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
