We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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