theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
