My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
