Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
