there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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