My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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