Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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