Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
