apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
