just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
