come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
