no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
