States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
