I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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