I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
