he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
