She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
