If i come over, it means nothing
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
There are leaves in my underwear?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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