how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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