It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
