Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
