before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
