I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
