All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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