the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
