Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
