i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
