I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
